Ally * Alison Lee Cousland

Forgiveness

2010-10-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

Coming to know who we really are: In our essence, as unique beings is the ONLY way to live fully in the moment, in harmony with ourselves and others ~ In a world full of other unique beings: With all manner of ways of thinking, feeling and being.

I’ve been reflecting upon ‘forgiveness’ again lately and through an experience that had a profound impact on my life, I’d like to look at: When we ‘forgive’ are we sending a message that what has been done is excusable, justifiable and allowable?

Before I came to Sydney, I lived in Mildura for a year. Towards the end of that year, I came off the back of a motor bike, traveling at well over 100 MILES an hour.

Fortunately it was a country road and there were no other cars around: And fortunately my full visa helmet was secure or I possibly would have lost my nose. As it was, I came out pretty lightly (physically speaking) with just a faint scar on the top of my lip now (after plastic surgery) and the remnants of a gravel rash on my chin, that under magnification still looks like the surface of the moon.

Miraculously no bones were broken, but my lower face had to be stitched and bandaged immediately and I was in hospital for 4 days unable to move my entire body: But worst of all, unable to move my mouth, unable to talk or even smile let alone eat or drink.

After 4 days they thought I should see my partner: The person responsible? for my injuries. I hadn’t seen my face, but could feel it was incredibly cut and still swollen so I wanted to keep my bandages on. The nurses were incredibly kind and felt it would be best for my partner to see my face as it was, because hidden behind bandages, he may have felt it was worse than what it truly was.

So it was to be the first time I would see my face (in a mirror) too: I can't describe this experience now because I actually can't remember it. But I do recall that when the doctor at the hospital (who already knew me) first saw me, he had tears in his eyes: as I have now in writing this.

And when my employer came to see me he also had tears in his eyes: As I still have now. I couldn’t cry at the time because it hurt my face too much to move: The emotional pain I’m feeling now is finally being expressed in a physical sense.

During my 4 days ‘rest’ I had started to come to terms with the idea that my face was no longer ‘beautiful’ (I can say that now as I feel that all 28 year olds have beautiful faces) and possibly ‘scared for life’ and that being disfigured was a ‘gift’ because it would ensure that my inner life would need to be far more important to me. And of course coming so close to ‘certain death’ I had a deep gratitude of being alive.

So when the new girlfriend of my partner came to see me and stared at me speechlessly: I just told her I had ‘forgiven’ her: She must have wondered what on earth I was talking about.

Going back a bit: Coming off the bike, I flew through the air, but can only recall the bike leaning too far to the side as we rounded what seemed to be a tight curve and the foot peg scraping against the road: And then the final landing, tumbling face first along the road. My only thought, as I lay on the road, was that I must have been dead, but I was able to stand up and looking back could see a cloud of smoke completely obliterating the road in the distance:

As I started walking back I could just make out the bike in the middle of the road, on its side, with my partner lying beside it. It was too much to hope for that he could possibly be alive.

And then like a dream in slow motion another bike came out of the smoke and rode straight over the top of him. Now I knew that he couldn’t possibly survive that.

I can’t believe how with arms and legs and face totally pummeled, I could run .. But I did. And numb to my own pain, I checked my unconscious partner’s breathing and he was still breathing.

I literally had to YELL and SCREAM at his ‘frozen’ biker companion, to go for an ambulance for us: He was in a dilemma about contacting anyone for help: Concerned because we had been riding on his bike. Can’t remember the model but it was a HUGE, black, shiny and very powerful bike. Not to mention we had been speeding just a tad.

A woman stopped and together we took off my partner’s helmet and tended to him. Won’t go into the details, but his face was badly cut too.

Back to seeing my partner for the first time after the accident: He told me how wonderful his experience had been: Being unconscious, he had felt no pain and then actually enjoyed the sensation of floating on morphine. After just a few minutes he asked me to go. He couldn’t bear to see me with my face the way it was.

Back in my room, flat on my back, I experienced the deepest pain of rejection in my life (that I’m aware of anyway) and unable to physically express it, it perhaps went deeper and deeper into my psyche.

And all the time I believed, I was ‘working’ with ‘forgiveness’ based on trying to ‘understand’ his life needs. ‘Forgiving’ him for being recklessness: ‘Forgiving’ him for wanting to have another relationship. ‘Forgiving’ him for the sufferings I had already endured and was enduring and it seemed, was going to continue enduring.

Totally immersed in his thoughts, his passions, his conflicts, I gave little space to see my own. But recalling now with gratitude, my astute employer who allowed me to have time-out to be with one of my co-workers: And talking with her enabled me to observe my own feelings just a little more.

Suffice it to say ‘my marriage’ was full of emotional upheaval and conflict and soon after we separated. A few years later an astrologer said: ‘WOW what happened to you in your 28^th year: That was no ordinary Saturn Return.’

Back to forgiveness: I was also trying to ‘Forgive’ my partner for not listening to me: Because I had sensed quite strongly that it wasn’t right for us to ride this bike, under the circumstances we were in. I expressed my apprehension and was told not to be so idiotic. So climbing on the back of the bike, all I could do was try to put aside my (well founded) fears. Trying didn’t work.

Not that I dwell on this incident or this part of my life too much any more: But only recently a new understanding came. And I now see that if anyone needs forgiveness it was/is me. Because it was me, that was not strong enough to listen and follow my own inner knowing.

And so my feeling is that if there is ever anything that ever needs our forgiveness it is when we do not follow our own inner knowing: When we become too concerned with the outer world or what others will think/say to be able to hear and then stay true to our own inner voice: It may be quiet but it really does know what is best for me and therefore for all concerned.

My Journey

2009-09-05T03:33:00.000-07:00

Hi, I’m Ally, which is short for Alison or Allycia and means ‘friend.’

Ideally I like to surround myself with people who have very positive attitudes about their direction in life and aspirations for their future. I particularly love sharing with people who are also not afraid to travel beyond the confines of the norm in their thinking and being.

I guess I’ve had the notion of escaping the norm ever since I can remember. As a child it seemed that whatever you wanted TO BE in life was inextricably bound to whatever ‘career’ you chose and I changed my budding ‘careers’ nearly every week.

Science always attracted me, wanting to know how everything in life and the universe worked. But my final criteria, at the age of about 18 was to have the ‘Personal Freedom’ to explore and follow my own ‘dreams’ which were still forever changing and my priority was never to be restricted by a 9 to 5 lifestyle. At that time I didn’t equate ‘Personal Freedom’ with ‘Financial Freedom’ and the only people within my ‘realm’ that seemed to be living life to the fullest were ‘The Artists.’

Ironically I felt like a fish out of water when it came to actually drawing and painting, but fortunately I came under the early guidance of a few ‘Living Masters’ who taught me that a lot of the time, Art WORK was just that .. Basically 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration/dedication. Thus began my career as an Art WORKER and spending twice as many hours ‘WORKing’ as most people do in their ‘9 to 5 jobs.’

I graduated from Prahran CAE, Victoria with the Diploma of Art & Design * Majoring in painting but equally devoted to drawing especially in very fine detail using color combined with black and white.

Camelia * On the Edge * Colored pencil 300 x 180 mm

With an increasing interest in conceptual and environmental art I jumped at the opportunity to assist Tom McCullough, Director of the Mildura Arts Centre during a Sculpturescape Triennial year.

The Mildura Sculpture Triennials were the first events in Australia to promote and encourage large scale contemporary sculpture, site-specific installation and performance art.

Mildura, a remote regional city on the border of Vitoria, South Australia and New South Wales was an ideal convergence point for artists from around Australia and overseas to gather. And the Sculpture Triennials were the first events to promote and encourage large scale contemporary sculpture, site-specific installation and performance art in Australia.

‘The Mildura Sculpturescape attracted an increasing number of artists doing installation, process, earth and other forms of art that emerged when sculpture, as it were, left the pedestal, moved around the room and went outside.’ Noel Sheridan.

A few years later I returned to Mildura to establish ‘The Garden’ a collaborative work with Margaret Bell. Passing mention at ‘Not just a pretty picture: art as ecological communication’ on page 355 * Smile.

The following Sculpturescape ‘The Garden’ was returned to and claimed by its native surroundings. This time totally undocumented. Would love to devote a page to the three months of my life spent designing and constructing ‘The Garden’ and perhaps one day I’ll find the publication that I can still recollect having a wonderful laugh over with Tom: I’d made some wonderfully inane comments about all the events/participation the garden attracted rather than the actual garden itself. Which reflecting upon now is rather typical and possibly why I have always loved organizing group exhibitions and events.

It seemed only natural to become immersed in the reciprocal relationship between art and healing and in my silk art work in particular, after becoming technical adapt through painting on many different types of silk, I aimed at infusing the healing vibrations of crystals and plants including our native bush plants/flowers into my paintings. At that time I was also making my own Australian Native Flower Essences.

Magnolias * Costume details * Serti Silk Painiting

Water Iris * Serti Silk Painiting * Panels 2000 x 50 mms

Waratahs in Blue Mountains * Serti Silk Painiting 800 x 600 mm

From there I moved into multi-media and photography and of course digital image-making. Still interweaving Art with Natural Healing * Instilling Healing into Art and Creative Energy into Healing.

For me health and healing is ALL encompassing and involves far more than the food we eat, the water we drink and the air we breathe. Although all these ingredients are vital for our overall survival, our total wellness is also dependent on our reactions and responses to people/animals/circumstances, the myriad of impressions we absorb and assimilate on a moment by moment basis and all the dynamics of our relationships with each other and all living creatures including the earth herself.

A few years ago I realized that over the years, in order to ‘survive’ I’d been slowly compromising my ideals of instilling my art with something of ‘true essence’ and so just like that .. I stopped ALL personal art WORK and started exploring the world of on-line networking and business opportunities.

Throughout my working life, not all assigned tasks were to my own choosing and the one philosophy that has sustained me the most has been to ‘do what you love, and if you can’t do that, to love what you do.’

So now I ‘work’ at whatever I do on-line with just as much energy and enthusiasm. Perhaps even more so as I still manage to find outlets to explore and now communicate about both my image making and healing interests.

Design for Miracle Mineral Solutions

Perhaps the biggest influence on my philosophy of art and then health and healing can be paraphrased in this one sentence. ‘The Greatest Art is that of making a Complete Human Being out of Oneself.’

And so my blog ‘All Round Health and Healing’ aims to bring together my understanding of many different facets of our living that can play an essential role in the integration of the physical body with the emotions, mind and spirit, thus contributing towards becoming ‘A Complete Human Being.’

Just musing but it seems to me that blogging has become a fundamental component of full-filling one’s ‘Greatest Art’ for so many people. It’s great if you have an audience for your writing of course, if reaching out is your aim .. but ultimately blogging gives one a vehicle for individual self expression and so I really encourage it, both for personal and business development alike.

After years of ‘online experimentation’ I’ve culled my ‘Business Port-Folio’ down to a few primary complementary businesses, that in their separate ways, I feel will also contribute to the well-being of mankind.

Nurturing * Pathways to Abundant Living

Pathways to Abundant Living was my first blog and intended to be a reflection upon my own personal art and healing journey. Its rudimentary form was my first step towards developing mini websites, combining my interests in art and healing with my on-line businesses.

As my primary business GlobalVerge rapidly began to dominate the posts at Pathways to Abundant Living, the need for blogs for the members of my GlobalVerge Group .. And their invited friends .. Became apparent and so Allyinspirit Internet Solutions and Allyinspirit Wholistic Solutions have been developed.

You can see my GlobalVerge Story HERE.

Allyinspirit Internet Solutions provides information about ALL the Eco-Friendly and High Tech Communication products and services of GlobalVerge.

Allyinspirit Wholistic Solutions provides information about many different products and services that will contribute to the all round health and healing of anyone who uses them * Including some of the exclusive ecological products of GlobalVerge.

Have never been attracted to working with film, but nudged by a dream, I made my first owl and dolphin collages.

Pathway * Collage: photocopies and coloured pencil

Working with mixed media inevitably directed me towards studying photography and developing more personal concepts with collage/montage using my own black and white photography. Several series resulted: including one that was dedicated to my father * One of these works is below: I hope to write about and publish the series eventually. Another series 'Four women' is still in pieces: Ready to be assembled (one day.)

Reflections on Masculine our Feminine sides * Photography

I used the owl and dolphin collages in my first very short video. Preparing for my next video now that will be based on this mixed media series 11:11 Elements Series. Much of my collage work has been based on 11:11 which first appeared in my work intuitively without realizing the symbolic content it held.

11:11 Element Series: Fire 1 * Mixed Media

11:11 Color Series: Blue * Photography and Mixed Media

About my writing now: I believe it is very important to encourage whatever personal skills, talents and aptitudes anyone has. And if one individual isn’t quite as good at something or another as someone else, they must NEVER be put down for the efforts they do make. Skills and levels of competency can be developed with further training or people may have other embryonic talents, that no-one including themselves are even aware of.

In my early teens it only took one English teacher, who didn’t go for my ‘rebelliousness’ to publicly ridicule and humiliate me, to make me feel that there was no hope for me in Academic English. But in my final year at school it was OK to start thinking for yourself and I topped the class .. LOL. (My brag: And that was at University High in Melbourne, which at that time was academically selective.)

Somehow with the shift from working with visual imagery to on-line writing, I’ve re-discovered as it were, my love of writing * But being more visually inclined, I can at times be given to making up words. So forgive me if the Academic English isn’t always ‘Queens.’

My writing (as with my art work) is copyright free. But of course if you are going to make use of anything from my Websites or Blogs, it’s simply good on-line business acumen and a WIN-WIN situation if you DO acknowledge the reference source.

About my Avatar now: I love natural law as exemplified in mathematics, nature and
indigenous handicrafts. I don’t begin to understand the higher mathematical/cosmic laws of the Crop Circles but I have responded to them visually and emotively ever since they were first sighted and have incorporated them into some of my art.

This little Avatar is one of my favorite Crop Circles and to me represents a harmonious convergence of energy. But if my image is a rose to you, then a rose it is as I love images that are inclined to be ambiguous, meaning something different to everyone who sees them.

Although my silk painting was exhibited widely, it couldn’t be shown as an all-encompassing collection * Which this blog will now attempt to do.

Ally * Alison Lee Cousland
Email: private@riseall.com

Social Media Contact
Personal Twitter: http://twitter.com/Allyinspirit
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Blogs
Pathways to Abundant Living: http://riseall.com/
Your Creative Muse: http://yourcreativemuse.com/
Allyinspirit Internet Solutions Blog: http://allyinspirit.info/
All Things Bright and Beautiful: http://budurl.com/AllThings
All Round Health and Healing: http://allroundhealthandhealing.com/